Solitude and Silence

Solitude. What a wonderful time to think, reflect, and pray. Friday was Mission Year’s annual solitude retreat. The teams in Atlanta went to a state park about 2 hours outside of Atlanta. The area was beautiful; the leaves were changing and falling from the trees and the lake was quiet and peaceful. Throughout the day on Friday we were sent out for a time of solitude, away from everyone else, a time for us to be with God alone.

I spent most of my time sitting under a tree by the lake. Caz (our city director) had given us some optional reading to take with us in our time of solitude and silence. One reading was a chapter from a book call “The Beloved.” I found it to be extremely interesting and applicable to myself but also for others. Here’s my journal entry about it:

I am Beloved. This is my identity. Any other definition is a false illusion. John Eagan writes “We ourselves are the greatest obstacle to our own nobility of soul – which is what sanctity means. We judge ourselves unworthy servants, and that judgment becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. We deem ourselves too inconsiderable to be used even by a God capable of miracles with no more than mud and spit. And thus our false humility shackles an otherwise omnipotent God.”

It seems like such a simple concept – accepting that I am God’s beloved. Yet, as I strive for a deeper relationship with God, I’ve discovered it to be the most difficult thing to grasp. I tell myself that I am his beloved, I tell myself to accept his love and grace, others do too for that matter, but I always seem to come back to my undeserving frame of mind.

I always seem to go back to the idea that my identity is found in this world. I find myself in the ways that others perceive me. I find my identity in my accomplishments and achievements. I NEED to realize that I am HIS BELOVED.

I love the words spoken to John Eagan by his spiritual director: “The heart of it is this: to make the Lord and his immense love for you constitutive of your personal worth. Define yourself radically as one beloved by God. God’s love for you and his choice of you constitute your worth. Accept that and let it be the most important thing in your life.”

As I go out into this new week I hope to go out with a new attitude. I want to constantly be reminded that I am His Beloved. I want to take the guilt and shame of my faults and realize that those cannot keep me from being Beloved. As I build relationships with those in my neighborhood, I want to be someone who can show others that we are all Beloved. I want to offer hope and comfort to others truthfully saying and believing: “We are his beloved, rest in that knowledge.”