The feelings of utter heartbreak and despair have slowly been growing this past week. As I’ve spent more time out in the neighborhood, my eyes have been opened to the hurt and injustice that is so ever-present in this community (don’t get me wrong, there are a great many wonderful things happening in English Ave), there is still a lot to be done.
I think the hardest thing for me has been seeing the needs of the children. In John Perkins’ book “Restoring At-Risk Communities,” he writes that the three fundamental needs of people are “the need to belong, the need to feel significant and important, and the need for security.” It’s been difficult to realize and admit that many of these children have these needs unmet. Katherine and I saw this firsthand as we were out in the neighborhood over the weekend.
Jarrod is a seven year old boy who attends the S.A.Y. yes after school tutoring program. He’s quite the handful, probably one of the more difficult children to work with. Last week, however, we learned about his past and the realization of unmet needs brought me to tears. According to Pastor Tim, Jarrod used to be the most well-behaved boy in the neighborhood. He had great manners and worked very well with structure and discipline. This all changed about two years ago when his father was imprisoned. Jarrod was passed along between his mother, grandmother, and other relatives. He now sleeps on the floor every night at his grandmother’s house. He doesn’t receive much attention because his grandmother has to work all the time and his clinically diagnosed schizophrenic uncle is the one who ‘watches’ him throughout the day. The need to belong, feel important, and feel secure is very apparent in the life of Jarrod. This boy, who is categorized as a menace at school, just needs to be watched and loved. He needs attention, sleep, structure, and the feeling of belonging.
I think the hardest part of this situation is figuring out how to best help Jarrod. My first instinct is to blame his parents, but in reality, they probably grew up the same way that Jarrod is being raised. They were probably raised by multiple relatives with a firsthand view of violence, drugs, and dishonesty. No, blaming the parents will do no good, they are stuck in the same cycle of poverty and need as their son. The last thing this neighborhood needs is a 20 year old girl going into homes and telling people how to raise their children. What this neighborhood DOES need is a way to break the cycle of unmet needs and despair. Children like Jarrod need to be loved, they need to belong, they need to feel important, and they need to feel secure.
It breaks my heart just rethinking through this seven year olds situation and the situation of all the other children in the neighborhood. But my level of despair has been balanced with hope as I realize that I can work to meet some of the needs of neighborhood children in very practical ways. While I cannot ‘fix’ their situation at home, I can offer them healthy structure and discipline at S.A.Y. Yes. I can offer a place of belonging in my heart and home. I can work toward identifying and developing these children’s specific strengths and abilities in schoolwork and help them to realize their significance and abilities in life. Finally, I can offer them security by providing a safe place to express themselves. I can remind them that my door is always open to them if they are locked out of their house or feel that they are in danger on the street etc. It is true… I can help break the cycle of unmet needs.
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